I was asked tonight what my favorite moment was in Hawaii.

I think the one that I have come to cherish the most is the time my sister, my niece and I went hiking Hawaiian style across fields of lava rocks that boarder the coast. Climbing out to the very edge of the rocks and watching the waves collide with the rock was simply and deeply amazing.

 

This moment specifically stands out among all of my memories in Hawaii. This was the moment that everything inside of me, everything I was holding on to, was let go. I stood there, arms stretched out, yelling at the top of my lungs. I did not yell anything specific, I just threw my head back and let go. It was a release. A release of everything I wanted and everything I didn’t have. A release of constrictions placed on me by myself and by others. A release of hurt, a release of hope, a release of love and a release of joy. A release of could-have-beens and should-have-beens. A release of could-be’s and should-be’s. It was everything and nothing specific… and I let go.

At that moment, after letting go, I could recognize my smallness in the world. I did not create any of this- the rock, the water, the sun, the wind… nothing. I was not in control of any of it either. I could not stop the wind from blowing, the water from crashing, the rock from standing still and holding me in place… I was essentially enjoying the beauty of God’s creation and grace-filled control- a truly marvelous thing.

 

It has taken me about a month to process this moment to come to this conclusion and to realize that this moment has had a bigger impact on how I live now than I thought it would have at that time. When I was asked earlier this evening about my favorite moment, I could not articulate or describe quite what this meant for me. After driving home, I have given this specific moment considerable thought. This was my moment of letting go of all I held on to… and being ok with that.

 

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