blessed in despair

There is another aspect to emotion; it is not necessarily the ending point, but a piece of the puzzle, a direction to follow.

At times, the emotion is the focus (what an emotion feels like, becoming in tune with emotions so as to be able to better react to them/be more comfortable with them, etc.). At other times, the emotion should be part of the focus- leading you to look further (what caused that emotion/reaction and allowing the emotion room to process and reveal hidden aspects of the self).

Often times, I get stuck in the emotion and forget that it can lead to deeper movement in my life.

That is what I work with most often- just the emotions: getting in touch with them, how to balance them, etc. I don’t get to dive much further, so it kind of makes sense that I forget that they can serve a deeper purpose.

Instead of being a tool, emotions can become the block.


Most recently, I have become stuck in this mood of despair, feeling a lack of purpose, a sense of wastefulness. Instead of looking further- using that to direct me to draw closer to God- I have allowed myself to just stay in that place of discontent, feeling quite miserable (and complaining to anyone who will listen about the silliness of my life-> about a job I am blessed to have, a place I am blessed to live in, about my struggle balancing all of my relationships that I am blessed to have…).

I can imagine the Lord just shaking his head over my behavior. I can also see him as a gentle Father quite humored at my silliness and, in his gracefulness, using what I have kept to during this time to speak to me- my devotions in the morning, specifically Ozzy. I say this because Ozwald has really been hammering home some of this over the last few days. Most specifically today’s devotion is what began this whole idea about emotion being a tool and not the focus.

I am such a silly Christian. I am so thankful for the Lord’s movement in my life- even when I can’t see it or see where it may be leading… even when it is leading me to work out the uncomfortable emotions where I am.

I am blessed in my discomfort.


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