They say to write about what you know, which usually makes me feel like I shouldn’t write anything. I would say I don’t know very much, but I just may be on the way to being an expert in singleness.
I have seen several articles from people on being single. And they seem to mostly be written by single people in their early 20s or those who are now married looking back on their singleness.
And I get that- there is usually a short window of opportunity to write about singleness because singleness is usually a season; a season that changes to marriage or a season being fresh out of college, new jobs (or searching), watching the facebook world around you explode in wedded bliss and babies. It feels like you are missing out on something, like you missed the plane/train/automobile/memo and that can make you feel less: less than adequate, less than enough, less wanted…
It feels very real and very deep- it can rock your core.
It did for me. I remember that place- it wasn’t too long ago.
But I will say this, it gets easier. And not just in a way of resignation; if you let it, singleness can be a sweet time. I think an important distinction is that being single does not mean you are alone.
It does mean you may have to work harder for the system of community than those who are married/with kids. It also does not mean you need to no longer be in community with those who are married/with kids.
And I realize that I am writing about being single in my late 20s- ok, almost 30s. And there are many miles left to go before I could be considered a true expert in this field. But there is goodness to this time. I see people wrestle with this so often- and I did/do too- I don’t know if there is a way around that. It has been through the wrestling that perspective and wisdom were and are gained- not because I won that fight, but because I (finally) stopped fighting.
You know the advice that people love to give? “Stop looking for it and it will find you.” They are usually referring to a relationship. And there is some truth to that- when you stop striving, you don’t carry a desperation or need for attachment- it is attractive to be comfortable with who you are. However, I have found that when I stop looking for relationship, it frees me to realize I am already found. When I stop wrestling and striving, I am then able to see more clearly that God has been pursuing me. It has been the losing that has allowed me to realize the relationship worth having is readily available.
I was asked to record a video talking mostly to 9-12th grade girls about being single and the ways I seek God. After much deliberation, I am including it in this post. Mostly because much of the deliberation was centered on vanity- I do not like the beginning screen shot of my face- there, I said it. However, I want to share the content, the vocalization of what all I have learned in this sweet time of singleness, the realization that singleness is a fight worth losing because it is in the loss I see the beauty of the gift of time I have been able to know who God is…