2015 is Not My Blank Slate

Although I am aware of the significance, I’m not usually one to compete for thoughts on the more important days of the year, such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, Independence Day, etc. New Years Day falls into that category as well with an added component that I never really understood the point. I’ve not really made a habit of resolutions or used the day off for much of anything; rather, the day feels lost.

This year is a bit different. I am not sure of the reason other than I feel more… well, maybe just more. And, at the same time, less.

I feel more here than ever and I feel more myself than ever, which looks less like who I have been – thank the Lord. I have a place to be and, at the same time, I do not really fit. It’s a strange spot to find myself in – a place that pushes me to rest in the Lord, the only constant in my life, and not in the place or persons or safety of what can and does crumble.

In all of that, today is needed. It is needed for consideration of what has been and hope for what is to come.

However, I’m not walking into the New Year with a blank slate. This is not my new book. This is not my fresh start.

How sad I would be if I forgot all that was gained and lost over the last year. There has been growth in and through the loss, glory in the struggle of the day-to-day living, and ordinary acts of bravery in learning how to pursue truth despite what I feel. How meaningless if I were to forget that there is hope even when it feels as though the world is collapsing in on itself and I am at a loss as to what to even think or pray.

It is a new day. And it is a morning, like every other morning, that the Lord’s mercies are new. And it is as good a reason as any other to begin and end, as well as carry on.

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Perhaps this year holds hope because of what has been, not in spite of it.

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