every Single decision

People love relationship – at whatever stage. If it’s new, people want to hear the mushy stuff and celebrate in the excitement. If it’s old, people love to hear the funny and the heartwarming stories and take heart that people can survive through the most difficult battles. If it’s broken, people want to hear the reasons why and comfort you.

I think it’s more than just wanting a good story – I think there is something inside of people created to be attracted to relationships. As if our very fibers are woven together in such fashion as to come alive with anticipation of relationship.

It’s as if there is something in us that recognizes that there is something worthy of celebration – because it is hard.

From the beginning, we have been created for relationship and from the beginning there has been an enemy jealous of that relationship and who will stop at nothing to cause separation.

And that enemy is so cunning, sometimes more times than not, he blends in to our own stuff – just a hint of doubt, just a touch of jealousy, just a smidgen of selfishness.

But I have seen the Lord redeem what has been broken. I have seen the Lord step in for those who are worn out from the battle for relationship. Often, He is the quietest part of the story – visible when all else is lost or stilled – but He is always the best part of the story.

In that whisper of doubt, I find space to come honestly to the Lord and lay out my fears and be reminded of his sovereignty.

In the fire of jealousy, I see the passion of my own heart burning for the wrong reason.

In the selfishness that so often seems to grip my heart, I see the need and purpose for the brokenness in me and in others – there is a deep desire that is unquenchable because it leads us to the only One who can meet us in that place.

And even after all of that, the rocky terrain of relationship remains the free choosing of us fallen people and we continue to choose it.

How-to-love

Pondering these things, the choosing in the midst of doubt and jealousy and selfishness (and other equally difficult parts we see), I came to a conclusion that I don’t know that we can fully decide to choose relationship without the hesitation, without the doubt, without the possibility of something else. Otherwise, we are simply going along the path of least resistance, which is easy and fun and safe, but that is a natural reaction, not necessarily a choice.

And not to say we should remain in the doubt or hesitation, but I can see that there can be a purpose in that difficulty. It’s as if we are given moments to not only see that part of ourselves come to the surface, but we have the choice what we do with that and how we react to that.

I often realize how little I know of relationship. It’s in the moments of fear when I am face-to-face with my truest heart and my honest self. It’s in those moments I have the opportunity to see again and again and again and again more of who the Lord is and I get to choose relationship again and again and again and again.

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