When voids are created, they make space to not just see and hear the things you fear – but to feel them:
What makes these so heavy is the truth woven in that makes the lie seem to fit.
Because the truth is that I am unfit. I am not enough. I am broken.
But that is not the end of the truth.
I am these things so the Lord can strengthen me to be fit, to make me enough, to be strong.
I am rarely the right fit for whatever I find myself in or whatever I pursue. So he lets me be stretched into what is needed.
When I am not enough, he works in me what is needed to fill the void.
He lets me be broken so that I can be built up stronger.
And the Lord is good in that he is not unaware of any of this. He knows I will fall and fail and cry the ugly tears of self-pity and pain as I am often pushed beyond where I want to go.
And this is good.
This is good for me. It’s not what the world may consider good, but it is good because it is harder and deeper and richer than the world’s ability to define what is good.
But even more so, it is glorifying to him.
Because I don’t want any of it – it is hard and it hurts and it’s hard. So naturally I will shy away and run away. But it’s often the hard places that require me to reach my end so that I can see him there – so that I can rely on him there – so that he can be seen there.
Because if the purpose is not to make me these things, if his desire is to bring me to these places without allowing me to move through them to be changed by them and changed through them, then it is so that he can be these things.
When I am stretched beyond what I think I can bare, he becomes my rest as he bears that burden and fits that need.
When I am not enough, he is enough.
When he lets me be broken, I can realize my need for him.
What need have I of a Savior if I can do it all myself? If he never let me see the end of myself, how could I ever look farther, deeper, and higher than my own self for rescue?