the flowering reincarnation

When I was in preschool, I had my first boyfriend. He gave me a pink carnation and a ring.

The next day, he said he didn’t want to by my boyfriend anymore and he asked for the ring back and gave it as a present to another girl – his new girlfriend.

My heart was hurt – and I hated carnations ever since.

If you do the math, that means I have had a long-standing bias against carnations.

And, if you notice, carnations are like the dandelions of the flower world – they are everywhere!

I bring this up because it was about a week and a half ago I realized I really want settle in well and I need flowers to do that. I went to several grocery stores and was disappointed at each one; no one is Kroger, no one.

The closest bouquet of flowers I could find that I didn’t have to pay $10 for was a bunch of carnations at Walmart. Carnations. It had to be carnations.

And then a funny thing happened. I barely realized it but once I had, I was struck by it. In searching through the stand of flowers sure that I had overlooked another option, in the midst of the searching my attention was drawn to these flowing flowers that reminded me of pillows.

To my surprise and demise, I not only liked the carnations, I preferred them.

And they have sat on my table and in my window everyday reminding me of my unfair bias. And, it may just be me, but they seem to have enjoyed their blooming.


Maybe it is just me. I feel like I can relate to them. Deciding to enjoy the blooming.

After spending most of my life resisting the present out of fear, and dreading the days in anxiety, how can I possible explain what it is to live here now, being given a gift of responsibility to walk in freedom, recognizable and enjoyable because I know what it is to live at length in a place of bias.


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